Hi all,
Tomorrow, September 23, is Celebrate Bisexuality+ Day, where we celebrate non-binary sexual orientations such as bisexuality, pansexuality, and other queer identities. I want to take this opportunity to write about it and my journey.
First, here are some resources on bisexuality and non-binary sexual orientations:
- If you think you may be bisexual or queer, take a moment to read about it at The Trevor Project.
- If you are out, consider reaching out to your friends who are not openly bi+ to provide support.
- Participate in online events like this one on Facebook, Bivisibilityday.com or Workplace Pride Bi Visibility Day.
If you are an ally for the bisexual community but want to know more, check out these resources:
Personally, I’ve been struggling with my sexual identity a bit and I still am. Without going into too many details, let me share some of my personal journey. In my late teens, I got curious about kissing a man and having a boyfriend. Over time, I experimented and met wonderful men, but, somehow, all serious relationships I’ve had were with women. I also wasn’t “out”. As a result, I eventually stopped thinking about myself as a queer person.
Fast-forward to when I met and eventually married my wife Corinna. She was the first partner who I felt comfortable enough to talk about my interest in men and my crushes. It took time for me to realize that I am bisexual. And still, I sometimes feel like an impostor in the LGBTQ+ community because I’m straight-passing and married to a woman, and because of all the bisexual erasure that has happened — well, let’s be honest, it still happens.
It wasn’t until earlier this year when I fully realized that there is no such thing as “being not queer enough”. I eventually understood that I don’t have to provide proof to anyone that I‘m queer. I realized that utterances like “you can’t be queer because you’re married to a woman” or “you’re gay, you just don’t know it yet” are nothing but bisexual erasure.
At first, I was angry. However, anger in itself doesn’t help much, right?! So, I started looking into how and where I can bring positive change and support others. Amount other things, my journey let me to joining the local leadership team of Pride@Apple here in Seattle (Hi Fam! <3) earlier this summer. I‘m excited of what comes next. I guess my bi journey won‘t be over any time soon and that‘s okay. Easier said than done, right?! I guess I‘m writing this for myself as much as for others. 😉
I need to remind myself that I need time and repetition to internalize the following:
We, as bisexual, pansexual, non-binary, queer people, have all the right to demand visibility and to be proud of who we are.
So, if you’re bi+ or are thinking you might be, I hope you take away one thing from reading all of this:
You. Are. Queer. Enough.
Ben
Ben Scholtysik 